Thursday, December 8, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
An A-musing Tale
In 2010, when I began my ARTbundance coach training, one of the exercises I did involved meeting my muse, developing a dialog and creating a representation of her. I really was skeptical, so you can imagine my surprise when my muse came through loud and clear! And not only via dialog, but with a perfect picture of her in my mind.
The only collage I had done up to that time had been a vision board. I hadn’t drawn since I was 17; had never used a paintbrush or watercolors. I don’t think it was coincidence that, soon after meeting her I not only created collages, but also dabbled in mixed media for the first time and created a large altered art Vision window as my final project. Over the past year I’ve been exploring mixed media and art journaling as well.
Discovering and communicating with your Muse can be life altering and liberating in so many ways! It’s having a short cut and direct line to the wisdom we all hold within ourselves. It acquaints us with our intuition; that deep inner knowing that so many of us have learned to ignore; in a way that is gentle, non-threatening and uplifting. Our Muses can bypass all the conditioning and the old, worn out negative beliefs that might be chanting in our subconscious minds.
It’s been simple, for me, to connect with Calliope. I find a place of calm within myself, focus my mind and then open the conversation. I could do this wholly in my imagination, but find that I really prefer the written word. I write letters, or notes, sharing my issues or questions and then wait for an answer. I don’t judge or doubt. I simply write down the words that come to me. And I am always amazed at the answers!
I’d like to introduce you to her! Her name in Latin means “beautiful voice”. She is here to nurture my creativity, to en-courage me, to whisper ‘you can do it!’ in my ear when I’m full of doubts, to remind me to ‘keep it in kindergarten’ when I over complicate things, and to foster my ability to heal – myself and others – through my creativity.
The Calliope that you see here was created using a paper doll template and a vintage graphic. She has affirmations written over the majority of her body. Her dress is a combination of paper, fibers and beads. The lace is hand colored. She has an Angel sitting on her shoulder (as stubborn as I’ve been in discovering my creativity, she’s needed an Angel all her own!). She has a brad on her throat (5th Chakra) symbolizing turquoise, a hand of light on her abdomen and points of light on her hands.
I later discovered that turquoise is believed to have the properties of wisdom, serenity, wholeness, self expression, creativity; symbolizes a time to be honest with yourself and is a reminder to share your vision and walk your talk! The hand of light represented on her abdomen is said to carry energy assisting in healing and spiritual growth. Wow!!
Are you in touch with your muse? I'd love to hear about her and how she affects your creativity, if you're willing to share in the comments! If you haven't yet introduced yourself to your muse, is it something that you could see yourself doing - or do you think that I'm more than a little bit crazy and 'woo-woo'? I invite you to share that too! For now, I need to chat with Calliope about my latest project and the block that I've run into...
Sunday, November 20, 2011
A Hero's Heart
I had trouble picking up the coffee pot this morning. Arthritis…I think I have more trouble with the psychological aspects than the pain, I really do.
I’m remembering being 31 and beating two grown men who jumped me. I had just had my daughter two months before (a Caesarian) and she was in her car seat, in the car, when I was attacked. I remember other times when physical strength was a blessing…not just during times of crisis, but in daily life. In being able to do things for myself and hold my own when working with others.
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| 1988 |
And when my legs, feet and lower spine started affecting my ability to walk and stand I can remember how precious and exciting it was to discover kayaking. It was an activity that I could do using my upper body strength; it allowed me to be and feel active and I loved it – until I became ill with fibro.
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| 1996 |
But even with the fibro, I could still lift coffee pots. More than anything else that my body has experienced, the arthritis makes me feel weak. Makes me feel helpless and dependent. I’m struggling with that right now. I know the pain is related to the cold weather, with temps below 30 degrees many mornings. And I know that I’ll adjust and adapt, it’s just being in the ‘how’ stage that is uncomfortable.
Multiple crises in my life have taught me that I am strong. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. I am not afraid of taking action; I’m not afraid of stepping in and doing what needs to be done or of defending others when it's needed.
I have no idea where it came from, but I have a hero’s heart. I can see that so clearly now. And that heart has made a difference, not just for me, but for others as well.
From living through a revolution in a ‘third world’ country at the age of 6; surviving years of abuse and neglect; an abusive marriage; many, many multiple miscarriages and a near death experience; being hit by a car; single parenthood and poverty; to surviving a bombing and the resulting homelessness at the age of 36, I have survived.
In being called to work in social services; in advocating for myself and others; in speaking in public and giving workshops; in using my life experiences as fuel to make a difference; I have survived.
I have been true to what has meaning in my life and am learning more and more to be true to myself . I have grown, I have triumphed and I KNOW that there are so many different kinds of strength other than the physical.
If I hold these memories close right now, it is because they remind me of who I am and what I’m capable of. They give me strength for this part of my journey, traveling through my personal ‘undiscovered country’ and seeking new ways of being in the world.
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| 2010 |
Yes, I may have trouble lifting the coffee pot. But I can still hold my grandson and hug my kids! I can still create and craft. I can write, type and read. I can advocate. And I can see, feel and cherish all the good, all the light, that life has to offer. I’m still learning. Part of the wonder of being human is our ability to learn, to change, to adapt, to grow and to choose, in each moment, what our perceptions and focus will be.
What are you choosing?
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Imprinting With Craft Foam
I've been experimenting this morning and I have to admit that I'm really happy with the results!
I bought a package of craft foam at Dollar Tree - ten 8" x 12" pieces for, you guessed it, a dollar! I cut each piece in half (4" x 6") before starting.
I played with pen and paper at first, trying different designs, and once I had a few that I liked, I began drawing the designs directly onto the craft foam using a ball point pen, thickening the lines as necessary. This particular foam is fairly thin and I had to be careful not to imprint to the point of cutting completely through to the back. I didn't worry about having everything perfect. I think that any imperfections just add charm to the end results! These are the ones that I ended up with:
These are the results on paper. I used foam paint brushes and acrylic paints to coat the foam sheets, then flipped the sheet over, applied it to the paper and gently smoothed the back of each sheet to make the imprint. I recommend rinsing the sheets and gently cleaning after use to avoid paint build up and allowing multiple usage.
The one shown here (to the right) was my first attempt, and I used the spiral design in decorating the cover and back for the journal I've created to use in The Truth Project which is an eight week long workshop that I'm taking with Stephanie Gagos. I used permanent marker to highlight the spirals. You could use markers of different colors, a glaze, wash of watercolor, apply multiple colors in layers or highlight with glitter...and have a variety of results.
I have to admit to having favorites! The spirals, the swirls that remind me of bandanas, and the leaves. The geometrics are nice too and I think they, especially, would work well highlighted with markers. And just the idea of having up to twenty different imprints for only a dollar - well, the frugal me is loving that too!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Obstacles As Opportunity
"Just because the road ahead is long, is no reason to slow down. Just because there's much work to be done, is no reason to get discouraged. It's a reason to get started, to grow, to find new ways, to reach within you and discover strength, commitment, determination, discipline. Right now you may be at the beginning of the journey. What a great place to be! Just imagine all the things you’ll learn, all the people you’ll meet, the experiences you’ll have. Be thankful that the road is long and challenging, because that's where you’ll find the best that life has to offer!" — Ralph Marston
Living with chronic illness, at least for me, means that every change or altered circumstance requires an adjustment that can alter routines that I depend on in order to function well. And those adjustments take time; they take a commitment to work it through, to find ways to incorporate the changes into a new routine that doesn’t take away from hard won progress.
I’m in the midst of that process now and, sometimes, I simply resent the time and energy it takes. Why? Because it doesn’t leave me enough to do the things I truly love – to make art, to create in some way, to produce something positive or interact with things outside of myself.
But change is the only constant in life and how we deal with change defines our journey. I allow myself some momentary angst, frustration or even self pity – almost always with a set limit, and always knowing that it’s an act of release that allows me to move into a greater energy of determination and discovery.
And so I make the effort to stay connected, even if the effort is necessarily small. I continue to read, to learn, to explore even when I’m not currently capable of applying those things in concrete ways. I’m in a place right now where I can be inspired, but don’t have the focus or the energy to actively follow that inspiration. I’m not making art; not art journaling; not creating with my hands; so for now, I keep track of those inspirations and note them down so that I can return to them later. To not be accepting of where I am would only delay the changes that I need to make.
I choose instead to see my current obstacles as opportunities to find new ways of moving forward; new ways of living my life in the best way possible. I am more than my illness, more than my disabilities, more than any obstacle that life could provide.
Every chance to rework the way I live my life is also a chance to be more authentically me; to be more present and more alive. I haven’t yet gotten to the place where I can say that I’ve befriended my illness or my disabilities, but I AM learning to befriend myself, with all of my quirks and challenges. It’s a progression, an inherent part of growth. I can’t help but feel that the point at which I am able to embrace even what I may now see and experience as negatives will be the point when I truly transcend them.
For now, I’m grateful to the people and the community that I’ve gathered around me. For your generosity of spirit and abundance of creativity, for your patience and understanding, and for the inspiration that fuels my days.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Girl Effect
As a girl growing up in an a strictly male friendly environment I learned through both spoken and unspoken messages that being me was not a good thing. That silence and being as invisible as possible was by far the safest thing for me. Not that there really was much safety in a family harboring multiple abusers. Not that my silence improved the abuse and neglect or silenced the many derogatory and negative statements made to and about me within my hearing.
The fact that I am a strong, loving, compassionate woman has little to do with my birth family, and everything to do with my having had people in my life, from outside my family, who took me under their wings. People who showed me different ways of being in the world and healthier ways to interact with others; who nurtured me, encouraged me, believed in my worth.
From a neighbor woman inviting me over to read books, to family friends who ‘adopted’ me on the weekends and over holidays, to my best friend’s mother who taught me how to deal with the changing body and emotions of an adolescent, to my mother’s friend who took me out occasionally for lunch and ‘girl talk’, to the librarian who guided my reading choices and encouraged my love of books, I was lucky and blessed to have Angels in my life.
It wasn’t until I was an adult that I truly realized the vastness of the gifts that each of them gave me. Things that seem simple, but that made it possible for me to grow into a woman capable of transforming and transcending the anger and pain; into a mother capable of raising my family in more positive, loving ways.
We are all pebbles in the pond, never truly knowing where the ripples lead. Yet every action we take, no matter how small, ripples out into the universe and into other people’s lives. The word of encouragement that you give may be a lifeline; the action that you take may allow hope and courage to shine within someone elses life.
Never think that you can’t make a difference, or that making a difference calls for more resources than you have. We all have gifts to offer and what seems small or inconsequential to us may be the miracle that allows another young woman to survive and flourish and gift the world with her presence.
Be the pebble in the pond for the girls around you. And for those who share this world with us, in places and countries physically distant from us, please check out the wonderful work of The Girl Effect and learn how you could be the change for them as well. If you have a blog, please consider joining with me and participating in the 2011 Girl Effect Blogging Campaign
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